How to make more friends by visiting the RIGHT places for YOU.

How to make more friends by visiting the RIGHT places for YOU.

Location, location location…

So have you ever gone to a party wanting to meet new people, looked around and recognized, WOW, I don’t fit in. Like, I have no idea what to say, I feel awkward, everyone’s staring at me. Even when I try, nothing I say seems quite right. I just don’t fit.

Yup, we all have.

We’ve all been in a situation where we just don’t fit… where we feel like the odd one out, and like we don’t know what to say, or even if we want to be friends because we just feel so different.

I’ll tell you a funny (and extreme) story of not fitting in…

One time I showed up to a local sauna with a friend. 

We knock on the door, and a Wizard opens it. Literally, a Wizard. On that night, it turned out there was a giant Cos-Play party at the place where the sauna is, complete with every type of mythic creature you could think of.

It was like Halloween in February, and here we were in jeans with our towels and bathing suits under our arms. Talk about standing out!

Now there’s nothing wrong with Cos-Play, but it just isn’t a world I’ve ever looked into. If I was one of the many many people who love it, this would have been great. I could have put on my costume, and had a great time. But the truth is, it’s not my scene. I felt uncomfortable because I didn’t fit in, didn’t get it, and felt like people were staring at me because I was different. I was an obvious outsider, and I didn’t even know how to talk with people about anything that was going on. All my questions felt like they would have been rude, and people kept wondering why we weren’t dressed up. I had a couple of forced conversations, and after checking in with each other, my friend and I left early.

AWKWARD.

It might have made for a funny story looking back (I mean really, we show up in bathing suits to a party filled with dwarves!) but it was really hard to make friends there because the situation made me feel different, not natural, not accepted, not like I was around people who liked what I like, in short, not included and not among natural friends.

It was a perfect example because we all feel like outsiders when we’re among people who don’t like what we like, and by contrast, we feel like a part of the group when we’re among people who enjoy the same things that we do!


So, how do you instead find places where where you feel deeply comfortable, easy and relaxed, where people are interested in things we are so that conversation comes easily, and there are easy opportunities to make connections and be invited to hang out more in the future?


Let me tell you about naturally fitting in…

Once upon a time I went to a wonderful house party that was filled with people who liked what I like. It was easy from the moment I walked in. It seemed like everyone I met was incredibly INTERESTING and I FELT SO INTERESTING TOO. People got me, instantly. I felt accepted, at home, and like I was among “my people”. Even though I normally like quiet evenings, a party like this, filled with people who are such a natural fit for me was a great time, I went home feeling so happy I could have flown. I made a number of close friends that night, and even met David, the solid man who’s now my amazing boyfriend.

I am now blessed to be surrounded by amazing friends who share my interests and GET ME. The people who I can reach out to to help me out, and who I’m there for when they need help. Close friends, many of whom I believe I’ll have for life.

So, what’s the secret to finding naturally compatible friends? The people who get you, who like what you like, support the things that are important to you, and who you can feel completely natural around?

Answer: Go to where people who like what you like naturally gather… and make friends THERE. AKA: Go to the mountain, don’t pretend the mountain will come to you!

Really. If you STOP, listen to the little voice inside that says, “I really like THIS… can we do THAT, please!?” and then go and DO THAT, then you’ll meet people who are also drawn to the same things, who are also listening to their hearts and following their wisdom and their intuition. (even if they don’t realize it) and you’ll have the platform for both EASY CONVERSATIONS, and A NATURAL FOUNDATION FOR CLOSE FRIENDSHIPS TO FORM.

Makes sense, right!?

So, how do you find “your mountain”, the place where your natural friend will gather, just waiting for you to show up and join in the good times?…

Here’s what you do:


Step 1:
ID Your Passions

Take piece of paper and write down a list of the 5 things you’re the most passionate about. Having trouble? Look back through your browser, look on your bookshelves, think about what you LOVED as a child and just don’t make time for anymore. Think about the things that just make you happy when you have a chance to do them, or even THINK about doing them.

If you are still having trouble pin pointing them, here’s a trick… free write.

Take out a journal or piece of paper and write at the top, “The things I love and why…” and don’t think… just write. and just KEEP writing until you’ve filled three pages. You’ll notice that not only writing what you love, but WHY you love it will spark your remembering other things that you might have pushed way back into the “I can’t or don’t or don’t have time for… but I really wish I could” category of your mind. Sometimes these are the very best things, because for some people, they’re secretly the most passionate about these hidden gems.

Once you’ve free-written three pages, then go make a cup of tea or coffee (AKA: put the page down for 5 minutes and go think about something else). Then, when you come back read over your pages and circle the things that came up. Then, pick your top 5 and write them on a separate page in ranked order.

Ex:

Healthy cooking & holistic nutrition

Horses

Hiking and camping

Yoga and meditation

Conversations on personal growth and business development


Step 2:
Identify great places.

Beside each of them, write down AT LEAST two places you could go to MEET PEOPLE who LOVE WHAT YOU LOVE…

Good places to think about are:
meetup.com

Facebook events

Ongoing courses

Weekend or one-day workshops

Groups that support what you support

Artists or authors coming into town on the topic you love.

NOTE: You can also think about places people who like what you like might go (that aren’t directly about your specific topic of interest)…

ex: I like vegetarian food. People who like yoga are often vegetarian. Other vegetarians might go to the week-long yoga conference that happens in our town each year, or to a local yoga studio.
(Because I also like yoga, this is a double bonus! The more overlap, the better when it comes to making close friends.)

Ex:

1. Healthy cooking & vegetarian nutrition- Taking an evening course in holistic nutrition; attending weekly talks at a local heal food store; joining a meetup healthy potluck; joining a FB event that advertises a healthy potluck as a part of the event (like a yoga+ raw food event).

2.  Horses- Visiting a horse ranch; joining (or supporting) a 4H club; attending a horse-lover’s meetup; taking horseback or trail riding lessons; volunteering at a place with horses; going to school for horse-therapy; going to a horse-lover’s event like a jumping competition.

3. Hiking & camping- Joining the local outdoor or hiking club; going to a climbing gym (because climbers often like camping too); working at the local outdoor gear store 1day/ week

4. Yoga & meditation: Going to a meditation meetup; joining a yoga studio (or yoga teacher training); attending women’s circles or sweat lodges; going to a local yoga retreat or conference or workshop; taking an ongoing course in spirituality; joining a spiritual book club


5. Conversation on personal growth and business development- attending a small business owner’s meetup; visiting a networking group like BNI; taking a business course, seminar, or local workshop; attending a writing workshop.


Step 3:
Find local and ongoing events.

Why local and ongoing? You want to join activities and events where you’ll be able to meet people who you can see on a regular basis to form friendships, and eventually close friendships with. This is much much easier if the person is in the same city/ town, AND if you are likely to see each other on a regular basis.

Look at your lists. Circle all of those that are LOCAL and ONGOING.
Look at those you circled. Pick one, the one you intuitively like the MOST, that you’d be the MOST EXCITED ABOUT DOING.


Step 4:
Sign up.

Go online or otherwise find out the details on how to attend. SIGN UP & book it in your calendar. RIGHT NOW. Yup, now. (Because if not now, then when?) Oh, and set an alarm for yourself for a couple of days before and a couple of hours before so you don’t forget.

A few notes:
If you have a schedule conflict, try to move the conflict, if you can’t book yourself in for the next week (or next regular event if not weekly), and if that doesn’t work then pick your second favourite. Whatever you do, choose something and book it. If at all possible, pick something that you can join in the next 2 weeks.


Step 5:
When it’s time to go, GO.

Go in with no expectations, and focus upon WHAT YOU NATURALLY LOVE. That’s why you’re choosing THIS PLACE, THIS ACTIVITY, THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE.

When you connect with people who love what you love it’s easy to make conversation, to form connections, and to forget about being self- conscious because you’re focusing upon the thing you love. And that’s easy to do.

 

So go and get started by:

1. ID your passions.

2. Identify great places.

3. Find local and ongoing events.

4. Sign up.

5. When it’s time to go, GO!

6. Use the essential communication tools you’ll find at www.FindSocialFreedom.com; enter your email to get your free communication course that will help you learn how to make new friends when you get there.

7. So excited to hear about your success. Leave your comments below…

Your friend,

David

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